Friday, April 20, 2012

Golda Lox and the Three Bubbas

Once upon a time, there was a quality smoked fish product named Golda Lox. Now, Golda was a wild-caught salmon; she was not farm-raised. So, she was always running around, getting into trouble, doing things that she was not supposed to do.

One day she was walking through the neighborhood, and she noticed that someone had left their door wide open! From where she stood on the sidewalk, she could see that on the kitchen table, there were three bowls of cream cheese.

She went into the house, walked up to the first bowl, and gave it a taste. Oy Vey! Some Firshtinkiner had put pineapple in there!

Shaking her head, she went to the second bowl. She peered into the bowl, and shuddered a bit, and then walked away without a taste. That cream cheese had had a bit of green mold around the edges!

She walked over to the third bowl, and looked in with a bit of hesitation, having had the first two bad experiences. But, this...THIS...was cream cheese! Smooth, creamy, and white. She scooped up the bowl and went into the next room.

In the living room, predictably, were three bagels. These were large bagels, big enough for Golda Lox. Boldly, she walked over to the first, and biggest, bagel and folded herself down onto it. No. It was uncomfortable. It had clearly done some hard time in the toaster.

Sighing, she got up and slid over to the second, medium-sized bagel, and plopped down on it. They had the nerve to call this a BAGEL?!? This one was so soft that she sunk into it, and had a bit of trouble extricating herself.

When she finally got up she had become weary, and she dragged herself over to the final bagel. It was smaller than the others, but not too small. Gingerly, she tried it out...it was just right! She started spreading the cream cheese onto it with a butter knife that just happened to be leaning against an adjacent wall.

When she finished, she spread out on the bagel and cream cheese and went to sleep.

Golda Lox had no way of knowing it, but she had wandered into, and was at this moment asleep in, the house of the three bubbas (Yiddish word for "grandmothers."). But, a few minutes after she had fallen asleep they returned.

She did not hear them, as they clucked and lamented over the mess in the kitchen, and the fact that there had obviously been an intruder and that one of them - but which one - clearly needed to go out and find a policeman.

She slept on as the three proceeded into the living room and crowded around her. They began to talk about her, quietly at first, but soon they were talking rather loudly and with a good deal of animation. Golda slowly awakened, but she pretended to continue to sleep until she could figure out what was happening.

She listened to the conversation and realized that the three bubbas were trying to figure out whose son to marry her off to!

She sprang from her bagel and, disoriented, ran to the backdoor and not the front. The backyard was bordered by a swift river. But, that did not deter Golda Lox! Not for an instant. She jumped in and swam all the way home. Upstream.



The End

photo: romairestudios.com I wrote this story to enter it into the Trifecta Writing Challenge! Click on this link and check it out! This week we had to put our spin on the story of Goldilocks ;) Didya like it?

54 comments:

  1. A truly new take on Goldilocks! Obviously Golda has a wild streak and that picture tells us more than we want to know!!:/ Love this post.

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  2. This is seriously ingeniously terrific and hilarious! WOW! I mean, it is REALLY good.
    Right from the start where this..... Salmon-Jew is "walking through the neighborhood..."
    Walking yet, I 'tink she said!
    And the name itself -- Golda Lox -- too good.
    Who is this Libby? She 'tinks she's Michael Chabon alluvasudden?
    The word "predictably" is unpredictably perfect.
    And the butter knife that "just happened" to be leaning on the wall there -- it could only happen to a Jewish fish! [One day to become gefilte maybe?]
    What a great piece of writing. This very much deserves a win!

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    1. Thanks so much! I had a riot writing it! It was one of those where you get an inspiration and then type as quickly as possible to get it all down before you forget anything!

      Thanks again :)

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    2. You inspired me... with the nomenclature thing and all, so I wrote my own -- again, as you say -- at a breakneck speed. I may submit it to the Trefectorate.
      It's called Goldensocks and The Three Beers.

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    3. Lol! You HAVE to submit it! For one thing, I want to read it. :)

      I'll bet the other Trifectites do too. You can't deprive the other Trifectese. The Trifectish need to read some good examples so as to be inspired.

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  3. Hahaha! Golda Lox was about to get pawned off on one of the sons. That's hilarious!

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    1. Thanks! I was trying to think what three Bubbas would do!

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  4. Hahaha... excellent!!! I love this story but dang it, now I want a bagel with cream cheese... ;-)

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    1. I know. I've been craving one all morning. But no lox. I'm not a cannibal. Thank you for coming by. :)

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    2. Prefer your version of the tale. Very creative and humorous - you left me thinking about bagels and lox, thanks!!! Great job!!!

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    3. Thank you so much, and thanks for coming over to my humble blog. :)

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  5. Ah, the bubbas! Always trying to marry everyone off, even seafood. Very original.

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    1. Good thing she got out of there when she did :)

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  6. I would have run if they were going to marry me off to one of them, too! Nicely done.

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    1. I should play that Elton John song in the background, "Sweet freedom whispered in my ear..."

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  7. You are the perfect kind of insane. This was hilarious and tongue-in-cheek and I was mailing the whole way through!
    Came from the Trifextra linkup.

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    1. That insane bit is one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me! Thank you very much :)

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  8. Oy vey, Libby!

    I like the nuanceslike Golda Lox's reactions. You really put some creative juice in this. I liked it.

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    1. Thanks, Lance! Golda thinks that whoever invented cream cheese with pineapple in it should be filleted.

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  9. A creative take. It makes for an interesting read.

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  10. If there ISN"T already a product by this name, you should apply for a copyright. Immediately.

    Cute story.

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    1. Whoooooaaa....I never thought of that(!)

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  11. To copyright the story you don't have to immediately file but you need to put the copyright symbol on the post. If you don't have the symbol on your keyboard, just type the word Copyright and put your name next to it.

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    1. Thanks! Also I think she is saying to trademark Golda Lox. I could sell Golda Lox and the Wee Bagels. All packaged together with cream cheese! :)

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  12. "quality smoked fish product"
    ahahaahh!!
    That was so funny! I particularly liked the way that Golda became all Salmon, no more lox, when push came to shove, but that, for as long as she was all chopped up and stuff, she was looking for the perfect cream cheese and bagel.

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    1. Really glad you liked it! Wild-caught really is superior :)

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  13. This was a perfect example of making it your own. Very clever and outrageously creative. I love the idea of the lox curling up for bed on a comfy bagel.
    Great work. Please come back for the weekday challenge with some more of your wonderful.

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    1. OK! Just been busy with ScriptFrenzy(!)

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  14. Replies
    1. Thanks, Dunce! (I feel kinda weird calling you that!)

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  15. From the picture, I was expecting something completely different (too many sci fi movies in the 70's). I enjoyed the yiddish lox & bagels. A perfect snack.

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    1. Thanks Fran! Yea, the pic does not totally go with the story. But, I wrote the story and then I thought, "Hmm, what this story really needs is a picture." So, I googled 'girl fish' and this popped up! It did not 100% 'fit,' but I couldn't pass it up, cause its cool :)

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  16. Golda Lox is a fabulous name. Good luck to you!

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  17. I just saw you took third place and got some very nice props! Way to go Libby, I told you you were a great writer - not that you need me to tell you.
    I hope you're working on that script - then you can sell it and come out and visit me in Hollywood!

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    1. You can tell me all you want - jk! I am half done with the script...but I am behind schedule for finishing by the end of the month. So, I am trying to crank it out! I think its pretty funny...

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  18. Crazy! I love your pun on the Goldilocks name and your exploration of some facets of Jewish culture. :)

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  19. Good read and a great ending..Golda Lox, is a fantastic name!

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    1. I'm glad you like the end - her swimming away upstream :)

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    2. Something distintly fishy about this tail! :)

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    3. LOL! Thanks for coming by and giving it a read :)

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  20. This was awesome!! How fun to read--an ingenious too!!

    Cheers, Jenn.

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    1. Thanks Jenn- Fun to write, as well. I was kind of snickering to myself... Haha!

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