tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1342623555220583614.post3628976825213526316..comments2023-12-08T04:00:32.329-05:00Comments on LibbysBookBlog: Sandra's Writing Workshop - Mystic LakeLibbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14864587350512328594noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1342623555220583614.post-5732621365374444622012-06-23T19:10:17.072-04:002012-06-23T19:10:17.072-04:00What a trip! Always fun to look back and read abou...What a trip! Always fun to look back and read about it ..Journey of Lifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14814279353807130008noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1342623555220583614.post-46219152481434258942012-06-23T11:18:58.798-04:002012-06-23T11:18:58.798-04:00that was an adventure...I think you are a wonderfu...that was an adventure...I think you are a wonderful writer..Rambling Woodshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15080120317890707767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1342623555220583614.post-73627710057621546172012-06-21T10:03:30.543-04:002012-06-21T10:03:30.543-04:00Yes, very well controlled formal first person! Tha...Yes, very well controlled formal first person! That control of voice is so important; otherwise the reader is distracted from the immediacy of the moment. <br /><br />Where you might be moving into the less formal (the close) is with lines that directly address the reader such as “If you knew my family, you would understand! We are all very talkative.” What might suit the formal tone here better would be some actual dialogue or just summary of something typical that you might all be talkative about: “My brother brought up out of nowhere something that happened in school the week before, then my father in his typical fashion needed to comment..” just an example, as how to not fall into the more colloquial tone here.<br /><br />Also, the freedom this more formal perspective allows is that movement back and forth in time which you start to do toward the end with: “My brother is over six feet tall, but this event….” Again, I would try to be consistent. Either open up this story with more of this reflection back on the past, or just stick to relating the moment at hand. I personally think it would be really interesting to open up this whole event into something much longer! It already has built into it terrific suspense. But you could prolong that suspense by turning this into actual scenes along the way; add actual dialogue; and if you did choose to do more of that reflecting from the present on the past, it could make for an interesting story of how you all related to each other back then as opposed to now.<br /><br />Long “story” short, you have the makings here for a fully developed short story, I think!Sandra Tylerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13191775335774130719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1342623555220583614.post-90188405614847872072012-06-20T23:05:12.844-04:002012-06-20T23:05:12.844-04:00Whew!!! Heck of a "nice" adventure :)Whew!!! Heck of a "nice" adventure :)Amit Herlekarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00602848175222451813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1342623555220583614.post-85442905228570361592012-06-20T13:58:08.654-04:002012-06-20T13:58:08.654-04:00It was! Kind of crazy at the time, but now we can...It was! Kind of crazy at the time, but now we can look back with nostalgia. :DLibbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14864587350512328594noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1342623555220583614.post-18415841780856211012012-06-20T12:55:40.583-04:002012-06-20T12:55:40.583-04:00One great adventure.One great adventure.Whispering Thoughtshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00545008138362955040noreply@blogger.com